Worry

what I've learned
from battling anxiety

By Ben Decker

Growing up, I was considered a “nervous kid.” After struggling with what I would come to learn was anxiety for most of my young life, it came to a head in my early 20s when I suffered from my first panic attack. One minute, I was racing around the house trying to do 15 things that had to be done this minute, and the next I found myself face down on the couch trying to catch my breath and stop the room from spinning.

This became a more frequent experience as my problems officially moved from kid problems to adult problems—jobs, bills, home maintenance, family dynamics, marriage—you get it. Intense periods of anxiety sometimes turned into times of depression. The noise of all my problems was deafening, and I didn’t feel like I could do anything. I didn’t know who to talk to or even how to describe what I was going through.

Finding Hope
My faith in Jesus gave me hope, but I had to fight for the hope over the feelings of guilt that I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. So it was a vicious cycle.

Through counseling, prayer, and processing these feelings and experiences with people over the last several years, I can say with joy and confidence that I’ve come a long way. While my battle with anxiety hasn’t gone away, I’ve found a new perspective and new tools that help me press on and continue to fight.

I’ve learned to be more aware of my thoughts and feelings and not to stuff them away until they overflow. I’ve learned that these episodes are often triggered by something. So I’ve discovered how to be more in tune with those triggers, and to run to Jesus and when I encounter them.

How to Silence Lies
Often, my triggers are centered around scarcity—feeling like there is not enough money or time, or simply that I am not enough. And strangely, I discovered that these triggers are often self-inflicted. I would set unrealistic expectations on myself as a husband, employee, and even as a follower of Jesus, and then refuse to show myself grace when I failed to measure up. Since then, I’ve learned to extend to myself the same grace I would show others who’ve fallen short. Better yet, I’m discovering the grace that Jesus has extended to me, which He promises in His Word, to be sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9).

So even though I may not ever be as perfect as I want to be in this life, and even though I may not be able to pray my anxiety away all the time, His grace is sufficient for me.